Madelyn’s Diary

[Note from Michael: My client “Madelyn” has been keeping a diary since we started seeing each other, and she gave me permission to share some of her diary entries here. I’m touched and humbled that our sessions are having such an impact on her life. Thank you Madelyn, it is my honor—and PLEASURE—to support you! You are such an exquisite human–and I love our time together!]

3/21/24

During moments in my days since seeing Michael, I would imagine a few seconds of my two times with him and I would fill up again with magical feelings of renewal. It brought me back.

I have been in constant amazement since meeting Michael how alive I feel. I have opened up myself and it feels spectacular. I am not giving this up. It is too precious. 

3/21/24

Lasting treasures….

The way your hair feels after being pulled (love it)

The slight blush from beard and hair on your skin (love it)

Being constantly engorged with desire (love it)

There are so many………. (love it)

It is hard to explain the awakened feelings I have. So far, they are constant. Was I shut down, or coping or? I want to feel this alive. I will make space for this. This is me.

3/22/24

Everyone else is noticing! Comments like “you look 10 years younger” or “you seem so happy” or “what have you been doing?”

So, MORE feeling and exhilaration and Michael. How did I get so fortunate?

3/23/24

I could not get to sleep last night until very late. I am a great sleeper. I was aroused (constant since I first met Michael).

I started masturbating. I have SO MANY new feelings that my body is being washed with. It did happen. I fell asleep. Michael is not just waking me up sensually. I feel my whole self-blooming with his encouragement. WOW and WOW and WOW!

I trust Michael to take me to places/feelings that I may never imagined. I am going. I am absolutely sure.

I realize that my constant accommodating and being flexible to all situations (great assets) have led me to be my quite self. Not anymore. What an incredible journey to be on!

3/24/24

I am much calmer this morning. I had a good sleep.

I am vibrating with anticipation for tomorrow. I have in my mind things to say to Michael and then when we touch, I am in another realm. Thoughts go out of my head and feeling comes in.

Michael is beautiful and being touched/touching him makes me feel more beautiful.

3/25/24

Have you ever wanted something for a very long time? And, when it did become a reality, it was MORE that you ever imagined. A lovely thing.

Have you ever felt renewed, revitalized and every part of your being awakening? A lovely thing.

Michael, Michael, Michael………………………….. A lovely human.

Thank you for us.

3/25/24

When I was younger my sensual tolerances for many places being stimulated at the same time was very low. I could not handle the sensations.

I do not feel that way today. I desire it and want to feel everything. If this is aging…….. bring it on!

3/36/24

Woke up in the middle of the night turned on! Visions of the time we spent yesterday just hugging me.

I love the visual of Michael going to open the window, his back to me and the sunshine glowing on his beautiful body with a huge hard on facing the sun. So lovely! Such a turn on. 

This journey of self-care self-love I am on is so incredibly revitalizing. I actually feel different in all the best ways. My energy is fueled by the bliss I am experiencing. I believe in “being here now” however I am so looking forward to each second of Michael and Madelyn.

3/26/24

Today I had a massage with Alyssa who knows me very well and for many years. She has worked on my physical well-being and emotional health. She gets me. She was aware of my wanting to have sex. As soon as I walk into her room, she knew I had a sexual adventure. We just embraced and felt the goodness pouring out of me. She felt my body was renewed and we shared the lovely details of Michael. My arms were testy in places “I like to hold Michael as close to me as possible.” And Alyssa knew that was why. What a joy to share joy. Alyssa was so HAPPY and supportive. So lovely.

Then I went shopping for pink lipstick. I told the salesperson the line that Michael suggested I say, for fun: “I have a new young lover, and I am looking to add extra sparkle to my lips.” Light pink please……………..

She said, “Well then, let’s go find some!” and, we did!

3/27/24

I slept better last night. I did wake up at 4 with intense sensual sensations. I am not clear if it is an orgasm. I am going to call it my “hugs” because I curl up and caress myself and think about the magic of me and Michael. My clitoral orgasms are very different from what I feel with penetration. 

Happy woman here!

3/27/24

I saw my lovely therapist, Jenny. She could feel my energy as soon as I walked in. She was so proud and happy for me. Advocating for what you need as a person/woman and making it happen is the best. I have always been a “dare to be different” woman and I knew deep in me that awakening of my life force/sexuality/sensuality and energy was important. I was not aware of how important. I feel alive from head to toe. My well is fuller and I can be there for people in a calmer way because my needs are being filled. I am truly amazed at the difference. The best gift ever!

3/28/24

I woke up at 4:30 for my “hugs.” I curl myself into a hugging ball and feel. I revisit intense sensations from Michael and I contract. It is lovely.

I keep singing “you are so beautiful”—mostly just that line. Michael is so beautiful.

I want to explore penetration feelings and clitoral feelings. My clitoral orgasms are explosive and my penetration euphoria feels very different. I have wondered if this is just me. It has been lifelong.

I am very happy I have created this space for myself. 

Working to make this intention a reality took a long time. I am a patient woman but the beast has now been unleashed! SO HUNGRY and SO HAPPY! 

3/29/24

I had my “hugs” at 4:30 this morning. I am welcoming the feelings because I need them and they make me happy. I am soooooooooooooooooo turned on from my journey with Michael.

I also feel relaxed because I will see Michael soon. And, I know there will be more because I am making it so.  

I don’t completely have the words for how I feel transformed (a work in progress). Luxurious and luminous come to mind. I am so jazzed.

4/3/24

I am still unpacking yesterday. I had the very best sex of my life by miles and miles.  I have never felt so much. It started from our first touch. I have a serene calm feeling. Satiated and lovingly ravaged. One of my favorite places in on top of Michael. I arch back to the incredible feeling of being filled with such intense sensation. Michael thrusts and I am euphoric and orgasm. Today I feel transformed. I want better words to describe this bliss…….. they will come.

4/10/24

His deep kisses

His hands on my belly

His breath in my ear

His cock in my mouth

His grabbing my hair

His entering me slowly

Her bliss

4/25/24

Daylong experience together

Bliss

Heaven

Completely alive body

Beautiful Michael

I had extreme energy especially sensually/sexually. The fire between the two of us was delicious, intense and many times our two felt like one. I was orgasming for hours. I loved deeply looking into Michael’s eyes and touching his face and also having him deeply in me. His body warmth sent me. The curves of his body sent me. His breath sent me. Sucking his cock sent me. I felt highly electrified and at the same time completely safe. Michael held me and our space so we could have this safe and amazing journey. I am very grateful and want to do it again. It is one of the best days of my life.

I felt incredibly womanly. All parts of myself showed up to be loved.

It is two days later as I write this. I am still tired. I am still incredibly happy. A life altering experience for sure. I am truly grateful that I sent the intention and that Michael came into my life

4/28/24

Big tears are coming now. I am so grateful to be held by Michael as I go through all the tough challenges at home with my husband and others. It gives me a luxurious perspective. It grounds me.

I still feel like I am detoxing from my years of sexual inactivity. My skin smells different. My bodily functions are getting back in tune. My breathing has been heavier (maybe turn on).

I have never orgasmed sucking cock either. So great!  I love to look at Michael when I am sucking his cock. He is in the moment and blissful.

We listened to the Getz-Gilberto album with “Girl from Ipanema.” So beautiful—both of us listened to it regularly in different times of our lives. Poignant!

This morning, I feel very wiggly with body sensations and the beautiful possibilities in my life today and future. I feel this sexy, slutty, beautiful and kind “Madelyn” is more open. She is ready for more.

4/29/24

Sex exuding from every cell

            Encouraged by love

The sexy slut come out

            She has been hiding………………no more

Embracing feeling

            Touching, being touched……………loving all

Letting it fill her

            Sensual energy

Alive……………..awake…………READY

            For more……………….more

I do own my sexy slut self

5/4/24

Michael fills me even when we are not together in our space, we have arranged for ourselves. It is so luxurious to be care for, seen, loved and incredibly satiated with amazing sex.  It makes the challenges in my life (of which there are many now) more manageable, because I am taking care of myself. 

We are having a sexual synergy that is evident and comfortable. I never thought at 69 I would be blooming into a sexual beast, and feeling younger than ever. Everything we do is with permission, and I am surprised at my sexual voraciousness.  I didn’t realize how empty I was. Being filled, touched and seen is life changing. The sexual energy and the power of loving feeds me. 

I hope to help other women realize that this happiness and energy are there for them to choose. You can set an intention and make it happen. 

5/5/24

Had a fun time with my hairdresser Alex. He asked me what was making me glow and laugh more than he had seen in a long time. I told him that I had set an intention to have sex and I was seeing a younger M.E.O.W. and it was fucking fantastic. I told him it had been 17 years since I had penetrative sex and he said, “that is a life-sentence!” He said I “looked like the cat who ate the canary.” HAPPY! I am.

5/6/24

I feel in one way like I am a snake shedding a skin. I have lost weight and gained vitality. When you are constantly adjusting your life to support others, you do not realize the full cost of being constantly available to others. I was repressing my needs and that does not make me a better caregiver. When my well is fuller, I am more peaceful, kinder, happier, laugh more, glow, have voracious sexual energy, feel sexy, feel beautiful and am more able to help others. The constant here (two months today) is incredible sex sessions with Michael whom I adore and love. I am thankful, grateful and look forward to my potential blooming.

5/9/24

Michael and I had a session yesterday. We have gone deeper and deeper in each session. I am amazed by the incredible sex we create together. Michael is getting to know all my best feeling places. He watches me, feels me and sees me. I too have learned his places and it leads to more pleasure. 

Today I visited my friend Katherine whom I had not seen in a long time. Katherine hugged me and took one look and said “you look 17, what are you doing?” I said “I hired a M.E.O.W. – Male Escort for Older Women.” She asked, “Are you bullshitting me?” and I said “No!”

Katherine proceeded to ask me very detailed questions. We talked about positions, oral sex and two bodies intertwining for pleasure. 

I could not stop smiling. Sharing at such a significant level of truth is refreshing. I told her about my desire to help other women see that they can have this if they wish to. I know it is not for every woman. However, for me, it is my life energy. Having incredible sex after 17 years feeds me in all the very best ways.

We talked for three full hours about Michael/me and us. It was sexy, we all could not stop laughing. It was a joy to behold.

5/11/24

Michael is 47. Even though I am 69 I do not feel the age between us in sessions. If we had met at younger ages, I am not so sure we would be able to appreciate each other in the same way.  I was ready for him in every cell of my body. I have never experienced such intense lovely sex……EVER!

5/15/24

In cooking, making cheese, producing dairy products, wine there is a term, “terroir.” The definition is: the combination of factors including soil, climate, and sunlight that gives distinctive character.

Sex is like this too. You need high quality ingredients that are grown with care. The people (so important), passion, curiosity, some tools to expand the experience, possibly herbs/drugs to enhanced feelings and the openness to try different varieties/positions.  The ability to share and talk so you can fine tune the experience.

6/5/24

We had the luxury of spending more time together yesterday in our pied a terre. A whole day of us.

A lovely part of the experience for me is the anticipation. The day before I was singing, smiling and cooking food for us. I could not wait for the time to go by so we could be together. The reality is better than the anticipation. I know this is not always true with things but……. it is for me with Michael.

I took a shower this morning and just touched myself all over saying “Michael was here…. and there and here.” So very sweet. We have created time for the best parts of ourselves to be. The sexual connection is truly amazing. I feel my voracious self-emerging after 17 years of being repressed. I will never let this happen again. My sexual love and expression are an essential part of me that needs a voice. It is the key to my health, happiness. love and glow. Michael is a great listener. He responds to my desires.  Michael finds a way for me to feel incredibly safe and 100% my sexy self. 

I am not sure how I would navigate the sadness of my declining husband without having myself truly filled once a week.  When a person is declining it is like 1000 small deaths.  Each one has it effect. I need to feel alive, seen and be taken care of. I am. 

I set the intention two years ago to add sex back in my life. It is the very best present I have ever given myself. It brings me to tears that she is back and has happiness, love and sexual fulfillments. I did not know I could feel so much JOY again.

6/6/24

I love being lovingly touched everywhere on my body. It is very sensual and sexy. It excites me and I have had orgasms from just touch. Michael indulges me in the very best ways and has picked up on what a turn on this is for me. When your body’s senses are alive magic happens.  The touch of a foot, arm, leg, back, neck, ears, hand, face and bottom enlivens all my senses and makes sex even more incredible. I can also curl up to Michael’s body and the warmth of him is grounding and so very sexy. Don’t underestimate the sensuality of touch; kind and loving touch. There is nothing more erotic for me.

6/7/24

I feel like I am living two parallel lives. One of caretaking where there are 1000 small deaths as my husband declines. The lights are going out for him.  And, the other being cared for by Michael. I have time just for me with incredible sexual experiences that fill me.

After 17 years of no penetrative sex, I set an intention and after two years found my way to Michael.  I am getting regular indulgences of the very best kind. I would encourage any woman to find this for herself.

In acknowledging another challenge with the caretaking of my declining husband; I am craving deep conversation. We always talked about everything. Now he feels like any emotion is a challenge. I have incredible women friends and we share however it is not the same.  For the last two days my emotions have been on the top of my skin not knowing where to go.

6/11/24

Michael and I had a session yesterday.  We tease that our sex could not get better but……it DOES.  The session started with Michael reading me some sexy sensual articles he is writing. I love to be read to.  The articles are sexy, have humor and are very well written. It was a great way to start our time together. 

We cuddled up to each other and every part of me was alive with feeling.  There is not much better for me than to be in the moment and just feel.  Michael’s warmth, touch and care sends me to beautiful places and the orgasms start. As we fucked, sucked, touched, kissed and explored; I could not tell where we started and ended. It was the true comingling of two people who are attuned.  I was feeling pleasure that I could not have imagined.  Our sex was so intense and beautiful that I felt bliss and awe. 

When I am in the throes of beautiful sex I say “yes, please!” and “oh my” and even “are you fucking kidding me!” and when it is unbelievably amazing, I say “REALLY!” This whole time together was a REALLY.  I am still in the heavenly clouds of it today. I happily cried on my way home from Michael.  I am so grateful that I have this in my life……truly. 

I know this is my reality for now. I am so incredibly grateful that I have my “parallel” life with Michael. I have learned to distract myself in the moment of reaction. Such as to dance to music, play a word game, do laundry, make art, exercise, write and it all helps ground me. This is all a work in progress. I am learning. I am loving.

During our session yesterday I had the feeling and vision of Michael’s cock in my pussy and they were one.  Just melded in pleasure. I was stunned that two people could create such feeling. I was truly blow away by the experience. I never could imagine such sexual bliss. Thank you, Michael.

I am sure more will unpack from yesterday. I feel that these words just skim the surface of the beauty I experienced with you.

6/11/24

ANTICIPATION

I have been speaking with my close women friends about ANTICIPATION which can be very sexy and thrilling. I am proactive thinker and also forward thinking. So, when a date with Michael is close, I relish the excitement. My friend said this about ANTICIPATION………….

At first, I thought it was a crush.

No way.

Turns out it was a feeling from way back…a tingle…..and most welcome tingle.

I am joyful at the thought of you….of us.  A new world awakened.

When we are apart, a yearn for you. Thrilled at the knowing that we will see each other soon.

Meanwhile, it hurts sooooooo good.

I agree with her description.  Anticipation turns into an energy that is so fun.  Getting ready for our time that we create is always in my mind as is Michael. 

I am sure this will be a theme in my diary because I love it.

6/11/24

I went to my friend’s house to day for a visit and lunch (she is 89). We have not seen each other for quite some time because I have been medical support for so many.

As, soon as I walked in, she asked me if I had had a facelift (NO). “Well, what then she asked? You look so young and trim.” I told her I had hired a MEOW (Male Escort for Older Women) and let her know about my three months seeing Michael. 

“Write an anonymous book about this! Or a blog! Women need to know about this!”  

I was a bit shy about sharing but she totally got why.  “Women need to feel their womanhood. It is a shame if we live with out it.”  Barbara also said “Your whole body is smiling.” “I am so happy for you and kudos to you for making happy happen for you.”

6/12/24

Michael asked me recently if my relationship with my body had changed since we started seeing each other.

YES! I believe after 17 years of no penetrative sex I have found my fountain of youth. I feel healthier! I have lost weight. I am a curvy girl and always had trouble keeping my weight steady. I don’t walk; I glide. I don’t wake up in the morning achy; I pop right out of bed happy for the day. I touch myself more; not just masturbating but all over.  I feel myself glowing; I don’t feel repressed.

Sexual energy for me is a life force. I cannot imagine my life without it now.  I want to more of a sexy edge to my wardrobe because I feel sexier.  I am not as hungry (I used to get very hungry) because I am full in a different way.  And, most of all even with all my challenges as a caretake for my husband and others I have MY happy.  I am more present. I am kinder (I was kind already). I feel REALLY seen and heard.  I get butterflies regularly which makes me feel YOUNG!  When you are not working from depletion everything seems better.  I feel more equipped to handle what comes along physically and emotionally. I am blossoming and it is a gift to me.

6/17/24

I am fresh off an incredible session with Michael today.

I am discovering layers of sexual pleasure.  The warmth of our bodies, kissing, tongues, hands, feet, penetration, speaking, caressing, deep eye contact and intertwining bodies for the most possible contact.  So very blissful.

I think our ability to be open and try new things contributes to our sex getting better all the time.  We have been pursuing anal sex which I have always been into.  It was probably in my mid- thirties when I last had full anal sex (now 69).  We have tried a few times but didn’t manage to get it in.  I was disappointed but very willing to keep trying. 

Today it was not painful and absolutely pleasurable.  REALLY pleasurable! I am not sure why or what we did different but – mark it as wonderful and something I want to experience again. I never imagined I would be feeling such sexual joy and pleasure after so many years of very little or none (17 years).  If you want to explore your sexuality at any age being open to new sensations and experiences seems to one key.  Be kind and have an agreement before you start sex to stop or pause to give you a sense of comfort.  I totally trust Michael and it shows in our comfort with each other.

I am truly amazed at the depth and intensity of sexual pleasure we are experiencing. I feel like the most fortunate person right now.  Stay tuned…….more to come.

6/26/24

Michael……………….

Thank you for

Making me feel more beautiful

Taking me to where I have never gone sexually

Giving me the very best positive energy

Loving me

Saving me from losing myself in my daily challenges and constant accommodating

Being a trusted soul who I can share all with

Yesterday was a very sensual and sexy session. Being filled sensually and sexually is my “fountain of youth and health.” For someone who lived without being filled for so long (17 years) it is stunning to see and feel the difference in myself.  This is a source of joy for me.  I got so euphoric during our session yesterday that tears of joy just release.  I still get incredibly amazed at the feelings two connected bodies can have. Touch is so powerful. Intertwining bodies find the best intense pleasure places.

These sessions are an investment in me.  The very best I have ever made.  I would encourage others to find their own fountain of youth.  It may be with a MEOW (Male Escort for Older Women) or a Friend with Benefits or? If you are craving sensual sexual experience, please set an intention to have it. For me denying this part of me would be slowing dying.  I want to live fully and feel fully and be kind fully.

6/28/24

Putting all the stresses aside and addressing my incredible sexual transformation (well….at least hidden for many years). I wake up in the morning ready for the day with a renewed sense of self. I look in the mirrors to see my more beautiful self and smile. I continue to slim down and feel energized in the very best way.  I feel like all of me is alive and working well.  It is a luxury to have created the space to be filled with Michael; with us.  I do know that I would not be so emotionally healthy without filling myself up so that I may support others that I love.

I want to pinch myself that the intention I set manifested. The reality is way beyond my expectations and I am truly grateful for this and look forward to every filling moment.

7/4/24

So, an imaginary conversation in my head……………………and YES, I did this.

“What did you do yesterday?”

“Well, I went to visit my M.E.O.W. (male escort for older women) and we smoked some pot, fucked for hours and then I sucked him off.”

“Really?”

“Yes. We also had rough sex with a whip and slapping. It was super sexy, sensual and intensely pleasurable.”

“Really!”

“Yes. What did you do yesterday?”